Shanelle Gabriel | Where music and poetry collide... - Shanelle's Starting Something - I've Been Institutionalized...How About You? (Blog)

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Jul152010

I've Been Institutionalized...How About You? (Blog)

Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 8:59AM

I spent 1:00am to 2:00am this morning on the phone with a male friend of mine. While some would call these the more 'seductive' or dare I say 'booty call' hours, we were discussing the gender roles in society. He argued that women are "simply more emotional than men are" and that a man that acts 'as a woman' would have trouble being a leader in society. "The first step to success is mastering emotions." Some might call my friend a little chauvinistic in regards to his views. I argued that as children we are born with the same capacity to love, share our feelings, hug our mommies and daddies, as well as cry in front of others...that is until we become pegs in the gender holes that society gives us. Girls play with dolls, hug them, nurture them. Boys have toy guns, army action figures, and wipe off motherly kisses when they are with their boys. I explained that what the world calls THE MALE EGO is just another way to say MALE EMOTION. If a guy reacts emotionally it's because you were messing with his EGO. If a woman reacts emotionally, it can't be her pride being hurt. She's on her cycle, she's hormonal. We debated back and forth about this until I said we should agree to disagree. Under my breath I muttered, "He can't understand my point. He just can't see institutionalized sexism."

The gender lockdown I've been on isn't new to me. I felt it growing up as a tomboy, battling the idea that I HAD to be this dainty creature. However, it's only recently that I knew a name for my jailer and saw how it molded me into thinking I had to be this fragile, dramatic, domestic, sex kitten to fit in with the world. It's even been fostered by church folk who believe due to Eve's [part in] bringing sin into the world, women can only be deaconesses, not elders or ministers. Try as much as you can, it's very hard to explain to a man the true plight of being a woman. An owner of the business of a prison (someone benefiting from the situation of others) can rarely see the prison from the prisoner's point of view.

To add to the discussion in my mind, I awake to a tweet from Marc Lamont Hill (@marclamonthill) with a clip to his discussion with Bill O'Reilly on Racism and the NAACP (Posted below). Apparently, the President of the NAACP discussed racism at the NAACP National Convention in Kansas City this week. O'Reilly argued that if the NAACP is going to speak on Whites being racist, then they should address the racism of other Blacks towards Whites. Poor Professor Hill...old conservative Billy wouldn't let him get a sentence out. Another situation where a White person believes that all racism is equal in America. I don't condone racism, but we cannot pretend that the state of Blacks in America is not affected by the history of the way Blacks were treated by Whites in America. The idea that ill-feelings towards Whites is completely unwarranted is closed-minded and is ignorant of human nature. If historically a people are hurt and oppressed by another group of people, naturally there will be some backlash generations to come. To say, "Get over it and let's all love one another" is dismissive of the pain (both present and past) that's been caused.

I can't expect Bill O'Reilly to understand those that speak against the malice in this nation that has been caused by the class in power (which happens to be White, upper class), those that refer to the oppression that was used to build this country, those that illuminate the self-hate fostered by years of being told 'lighter is better' and who endured nose pinching as a child for fear that 'it would spread.' He wouldn't understand because he happens to be White, upper class who benefits from the US caste system which is vastly based on skin color, and growing up, his nose was free to do what it wanted to. I believe while some are prone to sympathizing with others, many wouldn't even see or allow themselves to see themselves as racist anyways because racism = bad, and they're a 'good' person. "Good people aren't racist. It's just survival of the fittest. They're being over dramatic. Look, they got Obama." It's like looking at an old-school 3D picture: unless you're in it, you can't see it.

I don't blame my friend for not understanding how oppressive it is as a female or even Bill O'Reilly for being...well, maybe I do despise his ignorance and expectations for African Americans regarding discrimination. The NAACP is not responsible for speaking or censoring the speech of ALL Blacks in America. They can only promote the downfall of the institution as it relates to the people a part of the organization. Being close-minded to the idea that the world may JUST be biased to someone other than yourself is another way to say IGNORANT, and blacks and women have been trapped inside of this biased box for centuries now by people who didn't even consider that they were holding the key. To all wardens out there, believe the prisoners when they speak of the hard time they've been doing. It's not make-believe, especially when the disparities have been trace and documented for all this time. Believe the ugly truth that there is prejudice embedded in society that isn't easy to target much less begin to chip away at. The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one.

To all my fellow prisoners, it's time to take back your freedom by overcoming one warden at a time.

Shanelle Gabriel |

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Hey, Shanelle! It's Winter! I'm so proud of you, girl! I just had to comment on this. I realize that in the few discussions we've had, we kind of have different views on some things, but I must say that I let out the most gut-wrenching sigh when I read this. I have felt for years what you've expressed in the first part of your post and now I finally have something I can call it-"institutionalized sexism". It works the same way "institutionalized racism" works and while I always thought that, I never really thought to equate the two, or rather, I couldn't really formulate the words to equate the two and you have done it for me!

I always have debates with people about the way men are versus the way women are. I always got frustrated listening to men (and women) speak as though men and women are just wired so differently from birth, that men are low-maintenance, generally un-emotional beings and women are inherently the opposite. I never agreed with that. I've always argued that baby girls and baby boys have the same capacity to experience every motivation and emotion and that we so pigeon-hole them into their gender roles from the time they are born (mostly unbeknownst to even us) that we assume that the differences they begin displaying are due to a difference in their biological make-up and that just is not the case. Babies are influenced by and respond to stimuli and images they see around them all of the time. It explains why girls can play with trucks and still grow up to be "feminine" and why a young boy can play with dolls and still grow up to be "masculine". These are singular stimuli and their enviromental stimuli remain gender-specific. The girl still sees her mother wearing dresses, not her dad. They still see these images throughout their families, in the media-including the books they are read to from and read themselves. It's so built in that we don't even notice it and assume it's not as potent as it actually is.

I've stated before that men sometimes get the "get out of jail free" card at birth that allows them to have a detached attitude toward life, relationships and feelings. They are said to be "simple" and "low-maintenance" because it is in their biological make-up, not because they've been conditioned to be so since birth. Women are said to be "complicated" and "high-maintenance" (at least in comparison to men) not because those roles are pumped into us from birth, but because we happened to come out of the womb with a vagina as opposed to a penis. So both sides spend their lives adhering to the roles that society deems as "appropriate" never questioning where it comes from, whether or not it is truly who they are, or why it must be so. We're so afraid to break the mold for various reasons. For men, it's for fear of seeming "weak" or-dare we say-"homosexual" and for women, it's for fear of losing the competition with her peers for a significant other. Even these motivations are learned. Men care about being seen as "weak" not because their biological make-up dictates their emotions and they feel being weak goes against their grain. They care about being seen as "weak" because of what it will mean to their lives and their livelihood. They've been taught it's unnatural and their guilt comes from other's views of their actions. Like any other behavior. The same goes for women. Only women have a double-edged sword. While we've been taught from a certain age to make yourself docile (at least to an extent) and slightly needy to get a man to want you, we're taught simultaneously that while being so, we must still be strong-minded and willful so as not to appear too clingy and needy. It leaves women not knowing who they truly are, what they want, what they believe and when our behaviors display such confusion, we're labeled as "psycho", "crazy" and "complicated" amongst other things. Women try so hard to fill the mold(s) society places us into never stopping to think it's a cycle of disappointment that is in no way natural, but on the contrary unnatural, completely dictated-and poorly at that.

I know you are religious, so I do not want to offend you in any way, but I blame religion for these issues. Religion blames society and the times, but people are following what is preached and trying hard to live their lives with the changing times which is more and more stressing nurture in the "nature-nurture" debate. The two (religion and a liberal-minded society) cannot go together as much as you try to keep them together. If you can put a baby boy in an environment where all he sees from the time he is born until the time he is 18 years old is men wearing dresses when they feel like it and women growing beards and shaving when they feel like it, men crying and displaying their emotions openly, and he still leaves that environment believing that his upbringing was somehow flawed and the way it actually is in society today is the way it SHOULD be, then fine. But the more likely outcome is that he will have a more "naturalistic" view on dress, emotions, gender roles (if he would even know what this is) than anyone.

So, yes, I completely agree with "institutionalized sexism", I just think it stems from religion and religious adherence.

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