Learning How To Shoot (A Poem for My Dad)

Learning How to Shoot 

Labor Day is family reunion to me

My blood runs thick with Trinidad, T&T

So when my Daddy tells me to meet him on a late August Day in Brooklyn 

I know who I'll see

Him, he pardnas and dem

This time was no different

He introduced me to a man and his son

The son eyeballed me like I was a junie mango

As he said "Wow, Mr Gabriel. Your daughter is beautiful."

My father paused to see my reaction

His father half-laughed and made an interjection 

Between the failed pick-up line & the dead air

He said, "Son,

You better watch what you say to Clyde's daughta. 

The man has a gun."

He said it just for fun but on the real

Every Mas Camp knows for a fact my dad has one.

The son's mouth was emptier then when a party was over 

As my dad put his un-ironed hands on his shoulder

"Young man, to tell you the truth,

You don't have to worry about me 

Cause I taught my daughter how to shoot."...

This poem goes out to the Daddies girls 

Who's father taught em to take shots of Grey Goose

Long before the legal limit

So you'd know not to

Go back to

A glass you left and walked back to

Who showed up at school when that lil boy hit you

And none of the lil boys bothered you ever again

This is for the Daddies girls

Who know the statistics

But who's experience was different

Who's father taught you to walk 

On the inside of the street cause "you aren't for sale"

Daddy's girls who moms beat their tail

When they misbehaved

But the true moment of fear came

When "I'ma tell your father" was said

Daddies girls who fed 

A grown man imaginary cookies on a Rainbow Brite tea set

Who gambled in card games with them

Peppermints to make bets.

See, my mommy taught me to be nurturing

How to love everyone else outside myself

But my dad taught me not think it vain to give myself compliments

How to balance the emotional me with thinking logically

This goes out to all the girls

Who still call their daddies at half past 3

When their car won't start after they've left the party

This is for the Daddies girls

Who've gone to school with their hair in a lopsided ponytail 

Cause clips and bows only made him more confused

Daddies girls taught to flash firecracker laughter to light up a room

Taught how to create the perfect blend of fear and admiration

Taught how to shoot vodka without the chaser

Dads who taught that the man should be the one to chase ya

Who raised their daughters like sheltered sons

Made them appreciate old westerns and the NBA

Who told em to go for their MBA even thought they only made it past the 12th grade

This poem goes out to the Daddies girls 

Who's dad taught em to take shots with sarcasm

Told em they inherited handguns for eyes

Scalpels for smiles

Could form a masterpiece with a kiss 

Or let those same lips be a man's demise

Who told them it's okay to cry

But only the first time cause it shouldn't happen again

Kryptonite to new boyfriends

Didn't scare them all away

Only the ones who's casual attire and career goals didn't make sense

This is for the Daddies girls

Who were taught how to shoot free-throws

Who are trained parallel-parking pros

Can quote his unconventional wisdom like

“You know, 85% of people in this world are stupid...Look, look, there another one goes.”

or “Give it your best and there’s no limit to where you can go.”

This is for the Daddies girls

Who know that a woman scorned can make a bitter mother

Mothers who think their failed relationship

Should end the one dads have with their kids

Wishing they could suck out his DNA 

Like it was poison and erase any trace of lineage in their kid's face

This is for Daddy's girls

Who's father may not have stayed

Maybe even played the heck out of their Mom

But while he didn't give her the love and respect she was due

He gave it to you

At the end of the day

He showed you what a man should and shouldn't do

Daddies girls who know that perfection 

Isn't part of the human equation

That it isn't about getting all the answers right

And even if he messed up more than a few times

You appreciate that he took the time before he closed his eyes

To try.

To my daddy/ It seems the older I get the more I think we look like/ although I was born high yellow/ and you're more like quarter to midnight./ Skin rough like Chaguaramas beach./ Voice vibrates like steel pan melodies./ Sandpaper skin singing within the crevices of the present me./ I swear I'll never grow too old for nicknames and I'll still open the car door for you from the inside./ I never believed in your infallibility./ Maybe that's why/ you're still untarnished in my eyes./ I love you for all you've taught me./ You taught me to shoot but on most occasions,/ to put away my gun/ Taught me how to wine,/ how to get my way without wining,/ how to be wined and dined./ The first man to tell me I was beautiful and to look at me in awe./ All these dudes get their lines from you,/ So it takes more than speeches of silk spilling from slick jaws to get me to pause./ You set the bar high for anyone desiring to take your place as the man in my life./ And whoever it is that I deem worthy to bring/ will be a reflection of you,/ in honor of you./ He'll be my prince charming/ but you'll still be my King/ I'm a daddy's girl,/ gunning down stories of all black men being absent or in jail./ Firing at tales of failed fathers and dead-beat males/Your love for me/ my love for you is living proof/ That there are still a few strong women out there/ who's dad's aim in life was to teach their daughters how to shoot.

Blog Post: When Helping Hurts ("I'm not giving you s**t!")

I had a discussion with a friend of mine about how he was getting tired of his family members. He is a semi-successful comedian, touring nationally and internationally along with other household names. He's been on BET as well as Comedy Central. He hasn't made it, but he's definitely doing his thing. To listen to his story was inspiring, but apparently when his family hear the story, they hear "Cha-Ching!" He said his brother told him, "Yo, people keep telling me since you're on TV and doing your thang that I should have more." He explained to him, "You said the magic words: I'M the one on TV. What the heck have you done for yourself?"

While many people can't say that they're a celebrity with family and friends all rushing to be down with the entourage, many, if not all, of us have people we know that seem to always have a hand out. They always need "some money to carry them through" or "just a lil favor." They seem to always be WORKING on fixing their situation, but nothing ever materializes. They have POTENTIAL but never any growth. And for some reason, they seem to think that you are the one that they can always lean on in a bind, even without searching for a solution themselves. This could be your best friend from the third grade, your ex-girlfriend who you always have love for, your older sister who practically raised you, or even your dad who helped create you. Your success means to them "We're all successful! They got my back no matter what I do." Now, don't get me wrong. We all need a little help from time to time, whether monetary or a connection. In no way am I saying for you to hoard the blessings that have come your way. But sometimes by helping we are hurting them more in the long run. Here are some things that helping too much can do:

1. You get in the way of them learning some important lessons about actions and consequences. Ever see that mother who always bails their son out of jail no matter what they do? They pay for the lawyer, who knows right after this case, there will be another one. Or your homegirl who right after you help her get her repossessed car. Sometimes you need to say no, so they can really feel the pain of what they've done so that they'll understand they never need to do it again.

2. They never learn how to problem solve on their own. There's nothing more annoying to me than someone who consistently asks a question when the answer is right in front of them. A spoiled kid won't even LOOK for the answer. "Where's the sweater I threw on the floor in my bedroom?" Likewise, there are some people who will never grow up and handle their biz because you keep saving them. Speak up. Tell them how they can do it for themselves. Require a higher standard of them. Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a week; teach a man to fish, and they'll never bother your ass again. 

3. They won't appreciate it. My friend said she bought her mother a car. Paid in full, the only thing she'd have to worry about is insurance, which would be cheap as hell. The first thing her mom said is, "So you're not gonna pay for the insurance, too?" When you make things too easy for someone, they never learn the value of things. $500 is nothing when it seems to come from the well of someone else's pockets and they haven't had to scramble to get it on their own. Hand someone a record deal who hasn't worked the open mic scene, made a buzz on the underground circuit, or tried to make it on their own. Watch them screw it up. Conflict and struggle allow us to grow and to appreciate the blessings that come our way. 

4. They always forget. As many times as you have bailed them out, when a small argument breaks out, they will be the first ones to write-you off, fight dirty, and call you out on your stuff, forgetting that you were the one who got them through all of these years. The argument could've been over the pettiest thing, but they'll act like it was the definition of your character and treat you as if they never needed you in the past. They may still owe you money, you may have just gotten off the phone with the company you got them a job with, or you may be dropping their child off after an expensively fun day at Dave & Busters. They won't remember that. They'll only remember how you made them feel at that point and time, and call you the Devil when you've been a Saint to them for the last ten years of their life.

5. It always ends horribly. When the time comes for them to pay you back, 9 times out of 10, they won't have it. When you need to borrow the car that you co-signed for, you'll find it got towed for unpaid parking tickets. The trifling ex-girlfriend that you helped them escape from, they'll move back in with. The friend who you help with bills and free daycare who has a husband that doesn't do a damn thing and only pays the bills that affect him directly, will be indefinitely defended and she will throw you under the bus in times of conflict with him. Or worse, your friends will have a dog fight in your backyard, you'll be the one to go to jail for it, and people will put up signs at your football games calling you a "dog killer" wishing you were executed instead of imprisoned. Either way, the conclusion sucks.

6. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. We bend over backwards to make others comfortable and to bless folk with what we've been blessed with. Some situations are good charity and are rewarding spiritually. Others become a curse to your own life. There's a fine balance between helping and being walked all over. Sometimes you just have to let folk live their life, as messed up as it may be. Don't feel sorry for someone who makes bad decisions that they'll pay for later. It's called "Growing up." There's no reason you should have your lights turned out because you helped someone put theirs back on. It's okay to say no. You don't have it. They can't stay at your house for a week. That's not doable. And don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You deserve it, and they should respect your decision. Don't let someone feel like it's okay to take advantage of your kindness.

New Song- "Clock Out" Live from Sullivan Hall

Did you miss my show on November 24th at Sullivan Hall NYC? Here's the new song I featured that night called "Clock Out." I know you'll love it, especially my women who are about their business while still on the dating scene. Let these fellas know that you'll see them when you clock out. 

Shanelle's New Music and Shows in NYC & Boston!

Happy Belated New Year!

Am I the only one still writing "09" on my dates? It's 2010! Welcome to the new year. 2009 was a diffcult year for many, but I believe it provided us with prospective and lessons so that we all can grow into who we're supposed to be. I've spent the last few weeks prepping & planning, and I know blessings are on their way to all of us!

Last week was filled with a lot of fundraisers for the crisis in Haiti. I encourage you all to text "Yele" to 501 501 to donate to Wyclef's Yele Organization. I've been working a lot with Liz Whitney (a friend and Yele representative) and Wyclef has been doing some amazing things (regardless of what the media tried to say). Help if you can!

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NEW SONG!

Before I ask you to go anywhere, I'm giving you a special gift...A NEW SONG. Till Monday night, you can download my new song "More Than One of a Kind" for FREE from www.shanellegabriel.com/music. Just click on the box. Feel free to share it with anyone you think would enjoy it. And if you like it, let me know!

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NYC & BOSTON SHOWS

• Tomorrow, Thursday, Jan 28th, I'll be featuring along with Talaam Acey, Lamar Hill, Ainsley Burrows, and Amun Miraj
  Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery, New York, New York 10012). 7:30pm. $10

• This Friday, I'll be featuring along side Caits Meissner, Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai,  and B. Yung at Mike Geffner’s Inspired Word Show. 21+ (MAKE SURE TO BRING ID)
  Le Poisson Rouge (158 Bleecker Street, New York, New York 10012). 7pm. $10
  

• This Sunday in Boston! I'll be featuring for the first time at this dope venue. 21+ (MAKE SURE TO BRING ID)
  Lizard Lounge Poetry Jam (1667 Massachusetts Ave, Cambridge, MA 02138) 8:30pm

I have upcoming shows in NYC and South Florida. Hope to see you soon. Stay Blessed!

-Shanelle Gabriel

www.twitter.com/shanelleg